The Chill Box

Dankton Abbey…

Cast of characters: Lord Greenthorpe, the Duke of Humboldt: a nobleman; Scrimsby: Lord Greenthorpe’s long beleaguered valet;​​ Chauncey 2 : The hallboy/page. A dimwit.

ACT 1. SCENE 1. — THE DANKTON MANOR

Scrimsby: [clears throat] Your monthly has arrived sir.

Lord Greenthorpe: Have them bring it up at once Scrimsby.

Scrimsby: Very good sir [turns to leave but stops himself in his tracks.] May I say you look splendid your lordship.

Lord Greenthorpe is dressed in a bright green smoking jacket and ascot. He wears a lovely potleaf pin.

Lord Greenthorpe: Yes, well, this is my new Chill Box outfit if you must know Mr. Scrimsby. I shall wear it today and the same day next month and so on and so forth as a ritualistic embrace of my Chill Box subscription. I shall be ready for it’s contents. Ready with style.

Scrimsby: Oh most certainly sir. Whatever treasures lurk inside this month, they shant take you by surprise. Huzzah! I’ll see to it at once.

Everyone freezes as Chauncey 2 enters nervously with the Chill Box in hand. He trips a little.

Scrimsby: No!

Chauncey 2: [pubescent voice cracking] What’s wrong Mr. Scrimsby?

Scrimsby: That is not for you to handle Chauncey 2! That is my task. Hand it over at once! [grabs the box and embraces it like a newborn]

Lord Greenthorpe: Thank you Scrimsby. Wait… if this is Chauncey 2, what became of Chauncey 1?

Scrimsby: We had to let Chauncey 1 go sir, remember? This is his replacement, Chauncey 2.

Lord Greenthorpe: Why on Earth did we let Chauncey 1 go?

Scrimsby: It was he who dropped your last Chill Box delivery sir. I believe it resulted in a cracked glassware pipe. A particularly rare one. This is why I now see to it personally that the Box arrives safely in your hands. [turns harshly to Chauncey 2] You must never have received that message C2!

Lord Greenthorpe: Now, now, I’m sure we can forgive both Chauncies. After all it’s only a glass pipe. We have many things to smoke out of here at DankTon Abbey. Let’s say we close the veranda doors and hotbox this puppy?

Relieved, Chauncey 2 faints.

CURTAIN

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