Passing The Smell Test…
The story of Zareth Hynes is a long and complicated one. He became the world’s foremost pastrami smuggler by the age of 21. At his peak he was responsible for two thirds of all pastrami sandwiches served in the American southwest. In interviews filmed at Lockland Penitentiary Zareth recants his life of pastrami trafficking. Here is an excerpt from his interview:
“Yeah, it all started with SKUNK Bags. Seasoned beef can really give off a strong scent and so it was imperative for me to sport an odorless backpack that employs cutting edge technology to cancel out the harmonious and distinct scent of aged pastrami meat. This was step one in my cold cut empire. After that the money pretty much printed itself. I had a small crew, all wearing SKUNK Bags, ferrying potent ethnic appetizers like Moussaka and Gefilte fish. Moved up to delivering Chicken Vindaloos and Ox Tongue Carbonaras. Had one guy single handedly bring all the chorizo sausages in Portland in 42 different SKUNK Bags over the course of three weeks. By the end of the job he had earned himself platinum status with Portuguese Airways.
I myself was voted Mr. Pastrami for three years running. The sky was the limit. It all came crashing down when one of my guys came up with the bright idea of stashing their pot in the Skunk bags. They had the audacity to bring it to a non-pot-friendly state. I had to weed those guys out, but you could never get them all. I warned them about putting pot before pastrami but who listens to Zareth Hynes anymore? Luckily these are smell proof SKUNK Bags, or else I’d be in the joint instead of enjoying one.”
